On a more painful note - Mali is sick again.

Mali and Kayne are at the vet until tomorrow - boarded for SXSW and the move.

My vet called me earlier today. Mali's bloodwork came back - her kidneys are fine. Her liver ALP is up again, in the 600s. As a reference, it should be below 100.

Mali is now on:

• Denosyl
• Metronidazole
• Ursodiol
• Clavamox
• 100ml Lactated Ringers daily

She's also being force fed a can of food a day.

I'm going to be painfully blunt here - I don't know if I can do this anymore. I will, I'll do it for as long as Mali will put up with it and her quality of life is high. But she doesn't eat well, and her kidney levels are fine - her liver is going south. She's on an incredible amount of medication and that medication is clearly waning in its ability to stave off disaster. Sure, we can keep adding meds - clavamox this time. But the longer she's on these meds, the more chance that they'll quit helping. Her appetite was down and her weight was dropping, so I knew something was going on.

How far do I go to keep her alive? She's a happy cat, playful and affectionate. But with Odin, he never gave us a sign that he was in pain or discomfort until two days prior to his death. The thought that Mali is actually in pain and is just behaving happily pains me a great deal. I don't want to give up, and I can't imagine even existing without her nearby. But it's obvious that she's declining more and more rapidly.

I no longer am clear as to the Right Thing to do for her. It doesn't help that I'm still exhausted, have a long night of packing ahead, and an incredibly long day of roofers and movers and installers tomorrow. I can't think clearly, but receiving this news today was just awful.

On and off today has been the consideration that the vet will finally recommend that she be put down. I don't know if I can handle that, to be honest. I look at her - she curls up in my lap, or plays, or wrestles, or meows, or chews my hair, and it's hard for me to realize just how sick she is, and that at any time, she might decide that it's just too much.

She's dying. I know it. I don't know how long we can control her issues. Some liver problems can be cleared up but hers keep coming back. There are limitations on what can be done due to her kidney problems. More and more time each day is spent restraining her, putting a needle in her. I play with her for hours a day just in the hopes that she'll work up an appetite, or at the very least, be happy enough to keep fighting.

She's not even 6 years old.

The vet said that we’ll see how her blood work looks when the 10 days of Clavamox is up.  She’s eating, actually, and has settled in well.  There’s hope yet. ;)

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But I’m sure there’s something in a shade of grey…
Something in between…